Jacob went on his way to Paddam Aram. A while into his journey, he realized he was yawning. So was his horse. He set up camp and lay on the ground to rest. There were lots of rocks digging into his back and the closest thing he had to a Memory Foam Pillow was a stone. He put his head on it and closed his eyes. It was a miracle he got any sleep, but soon, he drifted into a dream. He saw a stairway to heaven, covered with floating angels. At the top was God, who said, “Hey, I’m God. This strange land that you made the weird choice to lay on shall now belong to you. You will have lots of descendants, so there will be a bunch of little Jacobs running around all over the place. I will always watch over you, and that is a promise.”
Jacob woke up and said, “Cool. This place has God written all over it. It just needs a bit of redecorating, is all. It’s God’s House!” He shouted to the night, “I will come back here and fix this fixer-upper!”
In the morning, he took his uncomfortable Memory Stone Pillow, set it on a pillar that he probably got from the local Pillars-R-Us, and drizzled it with olive oil. Somehow, dudes in the Middle East this time always had oil with them (they still got it with their petroleum oil—in their case, being gassy is a money maker). The avant-garde shrine was meant to honor God, although God was probably a bit grossed out by it.
Then Jacob shouted to the empty land, “Your new name is Bethel! If God supports me, He will be my God. This weird oily stone will be His house and I will give Him a tenth of everything I own. Except, maybe my wife. I wouldn’t want to chop her up.” Then, he started back on the path to Paddam Aram. He refrained from speaking the rest of the way because his voice was hoarse from shouting so much.
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